When did our love become MONETIZED? I think it was the day you finished my freshly opened bag of dry-sealed Macadamia Nuts from Healthy Hut, Kauai. Fresh, raw, crunchy. You felt guilty, I know. You tried to make up for it with a heavy paper lunch bag of bulk section Mac Nuts from Other Avenues, San Francisco. Those inland nuts were chewy, and we both knew it. Before that, we had walnuts, some cashews. I had browsed your cabinets for walnuts for months. Then we went to Kauai and our relationship deepened. We experienced Healthy Hut Macadamia Nuts together. We went through at least a couple of big branches worth.

I know that because I cracked about 20 whole nuts, once you left. My parents cut down a tree in the pasture and left 3 big boxes of nuts in the garage for someone to open. I used to crack open Mac Nuts when I was little, padding over soft cushioned grass to my uncle’s house across from my grandma’s in Wailua Houselots. I don’t know how cracked them then, a tiny 10-year-old!


Macadamia nuts are not expensive because of their scarceness, they are expensive because of their toughness. At least that’s what my mom told me.

I sat in the garage after you left, picked up a smooth brown nut from the box and put it on a block of wood. Brought down the hammer. Nothing! Not a crack in that round protective shell. Tried another. Smack! Nothing. Went back up the stairs to my mom. She said the wood is too soft, it absorbs the blow, (island knowledge), you need to crack it on something harder. And take a wire hanger to hold it in place.

Couldn’t find one (didn’t look) and I was back at it on the garage floor. Placed the nut in a crack on the green painted cement. Hammer. Nothing.

Hammer. A hairline crack.

Again. Nothing.

Again, nothing.

Again, with all my might, nut flying through the air, chickens running after it. They see what it is. They stop. They know they can’t get into the sweet meat either, they don’t even try. A bigger crack! One more time. Smush. Smushed the nut, but still delicious. A couple nuts later and I still don’t have the perfect hammer arc. I lose a couple nuts underneath the cars, smush a couple more for the chickens, and come out with about 12 raw nut meats. They are huge and soft, but crunchy, and sweet. Fruit of my labors.

Anyways—maybe that’s when they became currency.

I bought a couple Healthy Hut bags and brought them back to California. You ate one of them. I gave one to Riley because they were his favorite nut and it was his birthday. You shared Mavz with me. We surfed and you tore your PCL and something else in your knee so I brought you flowers and a tub of Whole Foods unsalted, roasted Mac Nuts. The best I could find this side of the Pacific and that side of Santa Cruz. Crunchy and not bad, a couple rancid in the tub. You liked them, and I have to say, if love must be monetized, let the currency be Macadamias.